They say that you should never cook bacon naked.
The three most dangerous activities in the world are:
1. Underwater cage fighting with great white sharks
2. Bungee jumping into a live volcano, and
3. Cooking bacon naked
Cooking naked has been proven to increase one’s sense of smell and taste – which means that the ultimate breakfast meat can taste even BETTER. Cooking and eating bacon naked has been said to be the food equivalent of winning the lottery, scoring a touchdown in the Super Bowl and neck-punching Justin Bieber all at once. It’s a temptation that’s too hard to resist, despite the risks to one’s man- or womanhood.
A recent Gallop poll found that 87% of Americans were more concerned with how to safely cook Bacon while in the nude than climate change, twerking, North Korean cyber attacks, the proliferation of nuclear weapons and the economy – combined.
Introducing the most significant bacon-related technological breakthrough of our lifetime – J&D’s Naked Bacon Cooking Armor. It’s lightweight, sort of stylish and provides maximum bacon-cooking protection in the areas you need it most.
Whether you’re cooking bacon naked, eating bacon while engaged in a Brazilian jujitsu match, or breaking off a turbulent relationship over breakfast, Naked Bacon Cooking Armor is a must have accessory that will keep your valuables safe and make your bacon taste better.
So be smart. Don’t get kicked in the groin by Bacon grease again.