How to Talk to a Bacon Hater
Bacon Haters – believe it or not, they’re out there. Always ready to suck the fun out of breakfast.
We held our tongues for a long time through all of the bacon hate that got spewed on the Internet. Josh Ozersky from Grubstreet/Eater, Katy McLaughlin in the Wall Street Journal, Tim Love from the Today Show – we’re looking in your general direction. Your wild dreams about this being the age of mango vinegar and smoked salt or bacon jumping the shark never quite came to pass.
To prove our point using statistics that may or may not be true, we made this helpful infographic:
But Bacon forgives you, Bacon Haters.
Because the truth is that BACON IS LOVE. Or the food equivalent of love anyways. It’s there when you need it, it never judges or criticizes you, and it’s guaranteed to make you happy. When and if you decide you’re ready to walk in the bacony light again, it will be there to envelop you in a smoky, crispy, and warm bacony hug.
If you ever meet a Bacon Hater in the wild, resist the urge to tell them how bleak and meaningless their life must be. A simple “Bacon Loves You” will suffice, followed by an invitation to breakfast (if you are so inclined).